If you asked a doctor to tell you their craziest or the weirdest thing that happened on the job, you would probably walk out barehanded. Health professionals, let’s say, are relatively reserved in this respect, mainly because all patient information is strictly confidential. You would not expect a doctor to walk around bars and brag to the bartender about all the diseases they had diagnosed that day. Although that would be a rather interesting idea for a film plot. BRB, sending a movie idea proposal to Warner Bros.
However, suppose they are given total anonymity and do not indicate any features that could lead to the potential identification of a person. How many health professionals would be willing to disclose their weirdest occurrences on the job? Well, quite a few, as this
My wife works in the ICU and a large lady came in once and they had to give her a sponge bath and they found an old oreo under her b**b.
My friend was an ER doctor. Had a guy come in with a flashlight stuck up his b**t. When my friend came back from his break he asked the other doc how the patient with the flashlight up his b**t was doing and the other doc asked him, “Which one?” It was a busy night!
I work in learning disability care and once had to accompany a young lady to the hospital who was complaining about pain when urinating.
Somehow she had inserted peas into her urethra and attempted to fish them out with a bobby pin – over a week before she went to the ED.
Found a 6mm fragment of a metal axe in a guy’s eyelid – he had no idea it was there.
P**is fish…. A fish swam up into this man’s urethra. He had been on vacation and WAITED UNTIL HE WAS BACK to get looked at!!! That was nearly 20 years ago and I will never forget that poor guy.
I work registration in the emergency room…I’ve seen some weird stuff in the month and a half I’ve been here. We had one woman come in with a lit cigarette and a newborn…she had given birth in her car and decided to wait to come in so she could finish smoking.
We had a patient who came to the ER after a car accident and had a metal fence pole all the way through his right chest, in the front, out the back. He previously had his right lung removed so he walked away with no injury after a pipe through the chest.
Not my story but my friend is a paramedic and got called to a house where someone thought a person “might” be d**d. The guy had hanged himself at least 3 weeks previously. Think advanced state of decomposition. She said she can remember thinking, “What do they expect us to do? Resuscitate him?”
Obviously, she didn’t say anything and just contacted the police. I assume some people just panic and don’t know who to call in this situation.
I once had a patient who came in with her baby daughter. The daughter was a baby, maybe one by the looks of it. The lady told me all these things about how she was anti-vax and blah blah. She then asked me to “fix” her baby. You guys, it was d**d. She was holding a goddamn corpse.
Urgent care registration staff here. Had a man come in because he “needed a boil on his arm checked out”. I didn’t ask him to, but he unzipped his jacket (no shirt on underneath) and showed me his arms. This was NOT just a boil, he had rubber surgical drains coming out multiple sites on each arm.
He had left an out-of-state hospital where he was being treated for purulent cellulitis without notifying doctors or getting his Rx for antibiotics. He said he had to get to Montana for a friend’s funeral and didn’t have time to stop long. Our doctors told him his case was too severe and he needed to go to the ER because he was septic. He refused an ambulance ride and said he’d drive himself. We checked hospital records later that day and the man never checked in at the ER. He just continued his drive across state lines.
Maybe there were eventually 2 funerals in Montana that day.
The guy that used tampons as earplugs at night, forgot to take them out and had a shower. He didn’t realize how absorbent they were!
The woman complained of a sudden and severe irritation ‘down there’. She had sequin knickers and wore them inside out, several of them had come loose and worked their way inside.
The lovely old lady who came in with ‘stabbing pains in the chest,’ upon inspection we noted that she was indeed being stabbed, by the lamb-chop bone in her bra.
The young lad that had a speculum stuck in his mouth. We don’t where/how he got it but apparently, he was trying to pretend to be a duck. (For the guys out there that don’t know, a speculum is a medical tool that is most commonly used for examining vaginas).
Not me but my dad who was a physician. He said he hated the ER, this was back when there were no “ER specialists” just doctors on call. I asked him why, and he said he was sick of “removing” things that had no business being where they were. I said, “like what?” And he said, “like flashlights, baby bottles, and squash.” I asked no more.
I had a patient that wouldn’t let me take his temperature with a non-contact device on his forehead. He was worried about “blasting radiation into his pituitary gland”. First of all, you’re 90 so I’m sure by now your pituitary gland is a little bag of sand by now; and secondly, where did you get this info? Facebook?
A woman came into our ER with a very swollen finger and in a lot of pain. While doing a lot of dishes, a box of spaghetti fell over, as she tried to catch it to avoid it falling into the sudsy sink, one strand impaled itself under her fingernail. Since her hands were so wet, the spaghetti slid all the way to the top of the nail. It. Was. Horrifying. Everyone was cringing! The doctor had to cut a slit into her fingernail to fish it out! We all had funny reactions! The woman said it was so painful that she wanted her finger cut off! She had instant relief when the doc cut the nail and relieved the pressure.
A 79-year-old man presents to ER with an aerosol air freshener can up his a**…told the doctor it “slipped in” when he went to sit on the toilet…it was so far in there he needed full abdominal surgery to remove it because even the colonoscope couldn’t reach it!
Not medical, but dental. Had a woman who was obviously an addict come in for a toothache. I had to help her fill out the new patient form because it confused her too much. Every health question was met with ‘what’s that?’. We finally get her back in the room to start X-rays and holy smokes. No wonder this lady had a toothache. She was LITERALLY growing ALGAE on her teeth. It was horrendous. We ended up having to refer her to a dental hospital because the work was so extensive. I couldn’t eat anything with seaweed in it for years. It looked just like the stuff on her teeth.
Had a patient call 9-1-1 with a three-liter coke bottle up his a**.
I once had to explain to a patient that there was no need for us to check his b12 levels because he was actually not on a vegan diet.
Still, he insisted on being a vegan because he only ate poultry regularly, while other meats or fish only “a few times a month” and also it was always organic. He genuinely thought he was a vegan and therefore needed his b12 level checked.
I ended up saying, “b12 deficiency is only a problem for those vegans who don’t eat meat.”
I had a severely psychotic patient who was convinced she had consumed human flesh and was always trying to induce vomiting. She was eventually discharged. Later she was re-admitted when her relative (a new mother) had caught this patient preparing to eat the baby.
1. [unalive] babies brought in.
2. 17 yo girl stabbed in the heart by someone who tried to steal her cellphone, [unalive] on arrival.
3. Lady attacked by a pet python. I clamped onto her wrist and wrapped itself around her neck, luckily she survived.
4. Guy took Viagra, effects did not wear off, 36 hrs later he came into ER because to pain was too much.
5. Police officer [hit] in the face, had to have total reconstructive surgery.
And so much more…