In the multiverse of comic books, there’s room for just about every imaginable iteration on the classic superheroes we know and love. Between
But apparently there is one superpower that will forever elude all our most popular heroes across the entirety of their ever-expanding extended universes — and it’s eating pussy. At least that’s what DC explicitly told Justin Halpern, co-creator of HBO Max’s raunchy
The news of
And, let me tell you, Catwoman isn’t the only one who was left out to dry by DC’s ban on oral sex. In fact, we’ve all
In the Harley Quinn Season 3, episode 3 opener, the clunkily-reworked joke comes after Poison Ivy ends a call by commiserating with Catwoman about how much better she could do than the guy she’s currently seeing. Catwoman agrees, only to put down the phone to reveal an overly eager Batman on his hands and knees, hunched over her lap, performing…a foot massage.
“Shall I continue?” Batman asks the obviously dissatisfied Catwoman like the latex-clad sub that he is. “No, it’s not worth it,” she sighs.
While the original implications of the scene are hard to miss, the censorship neuters what should’ve been a dynamite opener into a perplexingly limp start. The show’s superb writers
Critics have been calling out Marvel’s conspicuous sexlessness
Erasing the existence of sexual desire from these characters’ lives makes for some pretty dehumanizing storytelling.
The hottest people alive are all virgins who hang out in skin-tight suits together without ever really getting horny for each other.
The total lack of fucking has become one of the most alienating parts of these fantastical cinematic universes, where the hottest people alive are all virgins who hang out in skin-tight suits together without ever really getting horny for each other. Yet while superheroes may not be allowed to express desire or experience pleasure, they’re also still simultaneously required to adhere to today’s strict, hypersexualized body ideals. Like live-action toys themselves, the superhero movie star is sold to audiences as a sex symbol who can only ever be the object rather than a subject of voyeuristic pleasure.
Credit: HBO Max
Tellingly, DC only cares about policing the sexuality of its hero characters. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn are given total liberty to munch away at each other’s carpets throughout Season 3, as they celebrate their newfound love with an “Eat Bang Kill” tour. (Is pleasuring your partner something only the morally corrupt do?) To make matters worse, Batman’s moral virtue (or rather commercial viability) doesn’t seem at all threatened by the near-sociopathic acts of mass violence he commits later on in the season. We won’t get into specifics to spare you the spoilers, but let’s just say they include but are not limited to terrorizing a traumatized child and almost sacrificing the entirety of Gotham to get what he wants.
At the end of the day, we all know that DC’s insistence that superheroes don’t schtup is a financial rather a moral statement. It’s a damn shame, though. There’s undoubtedly plenty of money to be made from leaning into — rather than shying away from — the sexiness of it all by launching an adult line of superhero-themed toys instead,
Until then, though, I guess Catwoman will have to make do with caring for her own pussycat. Anyway, she can keep her sulky, sexless Dark Knight. We’re just happy that we get to join Harley and Ivy on their horny honeymoon.