Whether you’re a parent or have been around parents, you’ll eventually discover this unspoken rule. It might surprise you but babies and toddlers do the most damage with people around. As these stories will show you, all it takes is to turn away for two little seconds.
1. The Seven-Year-Old Frat Boy
I was at my buddy’s place and he had kids aged about seven and five. They were both super nice kids and it was an overall nice family. We were sitting in the garden with a drink. I was just starting to feel relaxed when chaos erupted.
The eldest had a foam-covered baseball bat that he’d been hitting foam balls with. Out of nowhere, he calmly walks up behind his dad and takes a full home-run swing at his head. He just clobbers him. This bat is coated in foam but it’s still wood beneath it, so it’s basically unprompted aggression.
Completely dazed, the dad turns round to defend himself, at which point the five-year-old sees his opportunity and grabs his dad’s drink from the table, and starts chugging it. Not just drinking it, full-on frat boy chugging it out of nowhere.
In the three seconds it took me to recover from the shock and reach across the table to stop him, the kid has gulped about two-thirds of the bottle. Not much for an adult, but a skinful for a kid weighing about one stone.
Within about three seconds, we went from a nice family BBQ to a concussed adult, beaten up by a psychopathic seven-year-old, and a woozy five-year-old. It went real dark real quick.
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