Do I have a problem with Squidward? Fundamentally, no. Emotionally, maybe. He could be less of a buzzkill, but he’s truly a model neighbor and a great employee at Krusty Krabs. But do I have a problem with Squidward-themed Crocs? Overwhelmingly. I’m a Croc evangelist for life, but these footwear are so incredibly niche I wouldn’t want to be caught dead wearing them. At the same time, I want to be around people who wear then just for the opportunity to judge them!
So, Crocs has been launching Spongebob-themed footwear to mark the launch of the latest movie, and while the company already unveiled Spongebob and Patrick-inspired clogs, they decided to keep the best (subjective, of course) drop for the absolute end. You see, the Spongebob and Patrick ones look fairly benign… but the Squidward clogs, dropped today, quite literally look like you’ve slipped your feet into a hole in Squidward’s skull. The details aren’t subtle at all. Each clog has an immaculate representation of Squidward’s face, with its skeptical stare and raised eyebrow, along with that nose only a mother can love.
Designer: Crocs
Let me reiterate. I love Spongebob as a franchise. I like Squidward as a character. But these shoes are, well, repellent to say the least. Don’t expect to score any ladies with these, but if you’re a diehard fan of the franchise, it’s entirely within your rights to collect these limited-edition pairs, and probably even wear them in support of the movie, which launches in May next year.
The entire croc is molded in the iconic Squidward pale green, with the strap being white and sporting an anchor symbol on the pivot-point. Available in unisex sizes, the shoes will officially hit the shelves on December 11th, with a price tag of $80. Am I talking smack about these shoes just so that I can convince enough people to NOT buy them so that I can get a shot at owning them? Probably, you’ll never know.
Also hitting the shelves tomorrow are the Spongebob and Patrick Star clogs, in their iconic colors and designs. The Spongebob one comes with arms on the shoes’ body, along with a belt running around the midsole to denote Spongebob’s iconic pants. The insole has Spongebob’s face printed on it, so the shoes look like him from the top. Similarly, even the Patrick Star ones come with Jibbitz that are typical to the starfish, like a rock, a minifigure of Patrick himself, a bottle of sunscreen, and a jar of mayo. The straps read Patrick’s famous lines ‘Is Mayonnaise An Instrument?’, and the midsole (like Spongebob) features the green and purple print from Patrick’s pants.
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