man, oh man, the holidays — and then the new year. the season is full of such a plethora of emotions. from wonder and optimism to chaotic stress to those ever-dreadful debbie downers, there’s a gamut of emotions on display. mine, for instance, started out upbeat and then slowly slid sideways. it happens to me, and i know a lot of us, this time of year — the expectation to be having a blast no matter the ennui or disappointment we may feel for a variety of reasons one can only imagine. the holiday hype is a lot to live up to, isn’t it? but here we are, 2023, and it’s ours to do what we will with it. a fresh start, as they say. but there can be pressure in that, too — can we just not do that to ourselves and instead just do our best? after all, everything happens in its own time, and it’s only natural to feel the same feelings you felt in 2022.
it’s now sunday, new year’s day evening, and like fairy dust has been sprinkled over my overly-self-examined life, my brain fog begins to lift, and i start to feel like me again. i’ll admit it, i’m not great this time of year. i don’t want to dive deep into it, but suffice it to say i had a few christmases that broke my heart, and when you’re single, it can be a dysfunctional time inside yourself. anyway — i’m climbing out and taking stock of all i’m grateful for. i really love being here on substack, for instance. being ad and sponsor-free gives me a newfound sense of creative freedom, and it’s so rewarding to know you’ve followed me here and have subscribed — just because you want to. that brings me unlimited amounts of joy and gratitude.
and it’s also made me realize that i’m not as good at relaxing as i should be. the holiday downtime was somehow hard for me, without purpose to my day, i.e. writing this blog. it’s my true creative outlet, and it’s made me realize, i may need to add a few others so that i become better at enjoying my free time. you may think you want all that time off from daily duties, but whoa, it can be an eye-opener when you feel a bit lost or lonely as to what to do with that privileged time. so — i’m not one to really make new years resolutions, but i am someone who thinks in terms of do-overs and at least making an effort at a clean slate no matter the baggage that comes along with you, so that’s where i’m headed. this year i want to make room for a happy and harmonious home full of curiosity and creativity, travel to parts unknown, good health, good friends, and being much, much better to me.
do you know what 2023 means to you yet? or are you still foraging around for purpose? if so, i get it, and there is no rush — you do you. remember, you make your own home. happy new year, and thank you eternally for being here. xo, v.
• photography credits: click on the image, which will take you to its original source. in my collages, the links are listed just below, clockwise from left to right: incense by me; metanoia via ; disco ball by ; l’ennui by ; champagne shadow by ; portrait of coco by ; dorothy parker quote via .